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They stared their eyes a hollow glow
‘It doesn’t even rhyme you know”
I know, I say
It doesn’t have to.
That’s why it’s poetry.
“Well this is crap” they say
And throw the paper on the desk
“Anyone could write this drivel
No rhyme? What were you thinking?
And besides, it’s far too cryptic,
No-one’s ever going to get it.
Why don’t you just forget it?”
But
I stammer
But you see
It really means something to me
And I thought that if I wrote it
That somebody would get it
And maybe they would understand
And like it
“But it’s crap.”
I sigh and draw a line
From top to bottom to be sure
That the offensive stuff is gone and dead
And I begin to write once more.
The glowing yellow eyes
Watch and  warn me when the words
don’t rhyme
Or when the timings off
“You need a pattern
Don’t you know?
Work it out you silly girl
So that we can read something fine
Something to mull over with wine.
Have conversations on the lawn
About the 2nd stanza.”
Hold me closer tiny dancer?
“Well it rhymes” they say
“but it’s been done,
Try something new for once
AND MAKE SURE THAT IT RHYMES”
So the first part that I write
Flows smoothly for a while
And all the lines rhyme nicely
In an A B C B style.
But then it goes all wrong
“It’s crap again” they say
And throw the paper on the desk.
I feel a boiling in my eyes
And cryptics stammer on sure footed lines
And explode on the lawn from too much wine
I can’t take it any more! I scream
And slam the door
I grab my pen and break the nib
The useless fountain won’t erupt
In useless bursts
That don’t even rhyme.
Whoever heard of such a thing?
But still the poem in my head
With ill timed ends and
Mismatched verse
Keeps writing itself line by line
Without the dying need to rhyme
Or be discussed by clever folk
Who know it all
(and could do it twice as well as you,
With only half the effort too)
It writes itself to make me smile
And nothing more.
©2007-2009 ~becesque
:iconbecesque:

Author's Comments

I know, it's all over the place. Trust me, it's oh so on purpose.

Orange...yes...if you can't work out why it's called Orange I'm not telling you. HA ha haa...how do you like THEM apples?

Sigh...

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 1 1 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconcelia-may:
hahah, hold me closer tiny dancer
(2nd stanza... / Tony Danza...?)
i really like this. rhyming is to restrictive.

--
ice of winter will crackle and splinter with my love in everything.
:iconcelia-may:
hahah, hold me closer tiny dancer
(2nd stanza... / Tony Danza...?)
i really like this. rhyming is too restrictive.

--
ice of winter will crackle and splinter with my love in everything.
:iconcelia-may:
blah!

--
ice of winter will crackle and splinter with my love in everything.
:iconfaulky:
I read this three times and its appeal didn't fade a bit. I like this very, very much indeed. It mightn't be an outwardly humourous piece but something made me smile all the way through, as well as understand the narrator's frustration with critics and the often absurd nature of poetic criticism. I loved the pomposity that came through in the critics' voices which seem to boom like stormclouds over the narrator's replies. It hits home though, that sense that writers can get that their writing is meaningless to everyone but themselves. It's hard to take when you create something so tenderly and with such heart, then give it to someone and have them spit on it. But I'd better stop on this ramble, your poem brings so many things to mind!

I'm not sure why it is called 'Orange,' I hope I am not missing something obvious. But never tell me - I love enigmatic titles. One day when I'm reading over it again it might dawn on me.

- from a very jealous Faulky

--
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
:iconbecesque:
Oh Faulky. Thankyou so much for the comments on this. You know how much I love your writing and how much respect I have for you, to have something I've written so profoundly understood (and favourited! Gosh!) is just a wonderful feeling. Thankyou Faulky.
And I will never tell you!!! I'm sure you will get it sooner or later.

--
~All in all you're just another brick in the wall~
:iconbecesque:
Thankyou C-C-C-Celia. I always get Ted Danson and Tony Danza's names confused. I know perfectly well who each is, it's just the names.

--
~All in all you're just another brick in the wall~
:icondr-eman1:
Sometimes when people don't find meaning in something they realize later when something else happens that reminds them. For some it is a real struggle to smile. This made me smile.:)

--
Nothing is difficult to the brave and faithful.
:iconbecesque:
I'm very glad that this made you smile. Your comment made me smile!

--
~All in all you're just another brick in the wall~
:iconpearlheart:
wow... i like the deep hummor in this piece, hehe i know that feeling...

--
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Trolls slayed: 5 Evil doings vanquished: 17

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January 7, 2007
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